As promised here is the follow on from my first blog…
After having my beautiful baby boy I was exhausted after the 4 days labour I had gone through (see first blog for full story) I had completely lost grounding and my energy was all out of sync, what I really needed was some rest and meditation to re balance.
Nobody really prepares you for how you may feel after the birth, physically or mentally… I remember walking around the hospital feeling like I had run the marathon or done a million squats my inner thighs were killing me, you would have thought the pain from birth or stitching would have been the worse thing but my main pain was from the positions I was in for long periods of time in the pool… you don’t notice it when in water but most certainly feel it the days after (ouch).
Jesse was born the Wednesday morning and I was finally allowed to go home on the Thursday afternoon after a very long wait to check out as there were hardly any staff on. My mum and my sister came to the hospital to collect me to bring my beautiful bundle of joy home… my sister stayed with me that night to help me with a few things, cooked me dinner and looked after Jesse while I went and soaked my aching limbs in the bath (I really couldn’t have done with out her that night). I was so much more relaxed being at home, I was completely and utterly besotted with my little man, he was so beautiful, I really couldn’t take my eyes off him!
On the Friday morning the midwife came to check me over and make sure Jesse was feeding ok (which he was, she said I was doing great) then my sister went home and then I got to enjoy some time alone with my boy that afternoon… I was enjoying the feeling breastfeeding was giving me, I was absolutely in heaven with the cuddles and love I felt from him (life couldn’t get any better).
That evening my friend Jo came round to see me, she mad me a lovely dinner and was really nice to have to company… she couldn’t hold him because he could break… silly moo. From about 7pm in the evening I noticed that Jesse wasn’t feeding properly and got more and more upset as the evening went on, I wasn’t sure what was going on but kept trying to feed him. Jo left about 9ish and I went to bed with Jesse but he was so upset. I remember calling my sister in Germany asking her for some advice on what to do, I thought I might have eaten something that may have upset his tummy?! The crying calmed a bit later and we went to sleep and I tried to feed him a few times in the night but really wasn’t sure if he was getting any.
The next morning I knew something wasn’t right so I called the main midwives office around 7am and told them what had been happening and I was concerned that Jesse hadn’t really been eating since last night around 7pm (not properly feeding for 12 hours should have been a warning sign). The midwife on the end of the phone told me to just do skin to skin to promote feeding and she will send a midwife out to me this morning and if the midwife wasn’t there by 11am to call again so I put the phone down and did as the midwife said.
We had lots of skin to skin and cuddles, I continued to try to get him to feed but he still wasn’t taking and the midwife still hadn’t been… it was about 10.40am so I decided to get him and myself dressed and call the midwives at 11am if she still hadn’t been. I wrapped him up in his blanket and put him in his mosses basket while I shoved some clothes on and went to get some clothes from his room for him…
I am sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I am recalling all of this in detail… it’s bringing up a lot of emotions right now as you can imagine. Let me compose myself… and breath…!
I came back into my bedroom and got Jesse out of the mosses basket and put him on his changing mat to get him changed and dressed but I noticed he was going limp and starting to turn blue (gulp)… I was on the phone to my sister at this time and I said I needed to get off the phone and call the midwife, they told me to call 999… I had to try and stay calm, it’s was frightening not knowing what was happening to my baby but I noticed he wasn’t breathing. All I thought to do in that moment was get some air into him to help him breath so did some mouth to mouth while I was on the phone to the emergency services, they were asking me all sorts of questions but I couldn’t focus… I honestly thought my baby was dying in my arms and felt so helpless. The time went so slow, they told me the ambulance was on its way… about 3 mins later it arrived (thank god I live just down the road from their station). They came in and took Jesse from me and laid him on the floor to give him some air and check his obs but got him breathing again, I felt a huge relief but still didn’t know what had happened. I told them he hadn’t been eating and he was upset and they said they needed to get to the hospital to get him checked over.
I was asked to grab some bits together for hospital… my mind was all over the place, I’m not even sure what I put into that bag. Thankfully my sister arrived and grabbed the bag from me and I was given Jesse to hold and taken to the back of the ambulance and I had to hold a oxygen pipe near him while we drove to the hospital and my sister sat in the front. Just as we were leaving my flat the midwife turned up dead on 11am which in my eyes was a joke… they should have been so much more concerned for a few days old baby who had not eaten, I was disgusted and the look on her face was horror, obviously realising she needed to be there sooner. On the way to the hospital all I could think about is could I have done something different, did I do anything wrong… was I a fit mother, I felt helpless as I held my tiny little baby in my arms.
The incident had been called in as a cardiac arrest so we were taken straight to A&E at Brighton… there was a sea of people waiting as I was being wheeled in holding Jesse, they needed everyone on hand. It was really reassuring to see one of my oldest friends Karen who is an A& E nurse… she saw my name come up and her heart sank. They took Jesse to this area and started poking him and prodding him… all I can remember was thinking I want to help him and please stop hurting my baby, he’s too tiny for all of this. They were having trouble getting the cannulae in his tiny feet, they put tubes down his throat to get fluids in and said they needed to start giving him antibiotics just in case infection.
We were taken to the ICU care unit at the Royal Alexander Hospital, Brighton where the consultant came… she was a foreign lady who didn’t seem to take notice of my anguish. The consultant and nurse were trying to get blood out of him but he was so dehydrated it was hard to find any and he was really distressed, I was so upset seeing him like this from a few feet away… he was attached to the heart rate monitor and I was watching it go up the more and more distressed he was but I couldn’t see him in so much pain.
Intuition and Energy…
Going back to the beginning of this post I mentioned I was so in tune with my intuition and energy but had lost my grounding through sheer tiredness… what happened in that moment, I found myself having a kind of ‘out of body’ experience, looking down on the situation and myself being panicked and out of control… I suddenly came back into myself and saw the heart rate monitor going well into the red and thinking he could have had a heart attack but my intuition clicked back in, I suddenly had composure and knew what I had to do in that moment…
My hands were hot with energy… I took a couple of deep breaths and walked over to my boy and pushed the nurse out the way… I put my little finger in his mouth the suckle on and stroked his head while saying softly breath baby, breath through the pain and then all of a sudden he calmed and the heart rate monitor came down!! From that point on I was completely switched on… I was still pretty tired but no longer distressed and out of control, suddenly I knew from this moment on I needed to be calm for him (everything is energy)!! That night I did some reiki on myself and on Jesse setting the clear intention for his recovery and posted to my Facebook status that I would love everyone to send me their positive intention too and was overwhelmed but the beautiful ‘positive’ messages I got… really felt the love! He had a good night and was definitely on the mend, I could sence he was getting better but the doctors had other ideas… I had to stay strong for him from this moment!
I am mindful that this blog post is quite long but there is still lots more to tell in this story so I am going to leave you hanging again.. sorry!!
Intuition and Energy To Be Continued… subscribe below to follow x <3 x