Thank you so much for sticking with this story… this is the follow on from Intuition and Energy
After a bit of rest and reiki, my intuition was switched on…. Jesse was on the mend and he was clam but the machines kept going off so I couldn’t sleep that much but definitely felt more at peace. They wanted to give him formula but my milk was coming through now so I was adamant that the best thing for him (if he did have an infection) was to get my milk in him so they got me the pump and bottles… it was all really alien to me at first but I soon got the hang of it and my milk was flowing and being fed to Jesse through a tube.
The next morning the doctor came and assessed him, he said that there was an improvement but they still wanted to run some more tests to find out what happened… they suggested lumbar puncture to see if he had an infection. I couldn’t stay to see this being done on my 5 day old baby, I cringe at things like that and it would have ever been in my mind seeing that over and over so my sister stayed while my mum and I went for a cuppa, thinking back I should have stayed with him. We stayed in ICU for the rest of that day then were moved to the ward as Jesse was no longer in a critical condition… I was so happy as I knew my little man was on the mend.
Moved to the ward…
When we got to the ward the mood changed… the nurses were amazing but the doctors and consultants left a lot to be desired.
The tests came back from the Lumbar Puncture clear, he didn’t have any infection which I knew but it was good to get the results to prove that I was right. They wanted to keep him on the antibiotics they were pumping his tiny body with but I had to fight with them to take him off… I said “if he has no infection there is no reason for him to be on them”. They finally listened to me after some resistance because I said “He’s my son and I say what he can and can’t have”.
On day 3 in hospital the nurse said they were going to take him off the feeding tube and I was able to start breastfeeding him (he had been getting my milk through tube until then)… I was over the moon, finally able to hold my little man for the first time since we got to A&E a 3 days ago… I remember thinking he was so precious, he went down from 6.13lbs to 6.6lbs so he needed to gain his energy/weight back again, he started feeding straight away… I had to record when he fed and did his toilet which helped me to feel so much more in control of the feeding… the nurse who was looking after me that night was the sister of the girl in the ward who had a little boy opposit me after I had Jesse so she made sure I was being looked after.
My poor baby had bruises all over his feet and arms from where they had taken bloods and from the cannulae. I smelt his head and he gripped my little finger, I lay there for ages, I just felt truly grateful for being able to hold him in my arms again while feeling his breath on my chest. That night was a good night, the nurse said that we should be able to go home tomorrow but I had to wait to see the consultant but I got so excited because he was on the improving so much.
The more and more I thought about it I knew deep down in my heart and in the pit of my knowing that Jesse was just dehydrated from not eating… I did some research online and it’s a common thing babies being re-admitted because they are not feeding properly so this could have been prevented had the midwives of paid more attention to my concerns when I called that morning and subsequently there would not have had to be a lumbar puncture and all the other tests his tiny body has had to go through… I was feeling let down by this point but knew there was no point dwelling on what had happened as it couldn’t be changed… I needed to focus on getting my little man home where he belongs.
The next day I woke up feeling amazing… thinking we may be able to go home that day. The consultant came and turned my mood upside down. I can’t remember his name, he was an Indian doctor about 50 years old. He looked out the window at the view all the while time he was addressing me, never looked me in the eye once, his bedside manner was atrocious, not only that but he called Jesse a girl and was very unsure what he was doing. He said we would be in there another week minimum but I said that the nurse had said he’s improving so we should be able to go home… he said they still need to test Jesse because of his fitting and left the room.
“FITTING”??? This was the first I had heard he had fitted… I thought, he must be referring to the night in ICU when the consultant came to check on Jesse and his arm twitched slightly, I was there and saw it with my own eyes. By this point I was getting really frustrated with this rude doctor… he said someone will come later to explain everything to me but we have to do these tests.
I was so upset by his manner and told the nurse I do not want that doctor back in my room, they need to get my another doctor to explain things to me, someone who has a much better bed side manner so they send in a rather handsome young consultant who was on that day. He said that because Jesse had has ‘a fit’… I said “he didn’t fit” but they said they need to do this last check if he has hypoglycemia which is where the blood sugars are low and they go into shock and fit. I said surely they would have been low if he hadn’t eaten properly in 16 hours and he agreed but said we still need to check.
A female doctor came in to speak to me about the tests she wanted to do for Hypoglycemia, it would involve blood tests every 2 hours over night and from 9am the next morning I had to fast Jesse for 5 hours so they could monitor his blood sugars. I agreed to and asked if nothing shows up can we go home, they said I should be able to yes possibly once we have the all clear.
We had a restless night with them coming in ever 2 hours to do a bloody test, taking more blood from his tiny feet. The next morning I got ready for what the day would involve and not feeding my little man. He had his last feed at 8am… I was so strict by the with my feeding recording, making sure he was getting the right amount etc most certainly never wanted this to happen again!
9am the fasting began, we had a few visitors that day while the nurses came in and our doing their blood tests etc… then before 1pm a doctor came in to see me. He called Jesse my daughter and was scrambling around trying to read my notes…I told him to get out of my room and don’t come in until you have read my notes and know what you need to talk to me about.
He came back in 10 mins later with his tail between his legs apologising for his mistake and said that they were supposed to be checking his bloods every hour while he was fasting to get the right readings but had only been doing it every 2 hours. He asked if it were possible that we can do the fast for another 2 hours. I was fuming… you want me to not feed my baby for longer so you can get your results? You have made the mistake but I was pushed into a corner and he left saying he would be back in 2 hours.
This really didn’t sit right for me and I watched the nurse take the first reading just after 1pm then again at 2pm and they were lowering… at this point I remembered he hadn’t eaten since 8am so it’s 6 hours without food, this was getting dangerous and Jesse was showing signs of being very upset and hungry. I got onto the phone to my mum and she said you tell them that you are feeding your baby if they like it or not. I called the nurse telling her to get the doctor in here now… I told them that I am feeding him regardless of what you say as you are inducing hypoglycemia in him. He came in and asked if he could take another sample just to check and the level hadn’t gone down from before but needed to go and discuss this with his colleague.
The female doctor came back an hour or so later and said that he is no showing signs of hypoglycemia but I will need to go back in 6 months to have a check up with her in her clinic so I agreed but was still pretty annoyed at how the situation had been handled.
A little while later the main doctor came back in and confirmed the final diagnosis of dehydration and said you can go home in an hour. I was shocked and relieved at the same time… I kept thinking you have kept me in here doing tests which clearly he didn’t need to go though and confirmed my belief the whole time that he was just dehydrated… but I was finally so happy to be taking him home at last!!
To sum this whole experience up…
I always knew Jesse was here to test me… and my god that one was hell of a test Jesse (I am sure you will read these when you are older). A test of my wits and if I could keep it together, a test of my patients, a test of my ability as a mother to my adorable boy and a test for me personally… I knew then and there I would be an amazing mum. I just needed to be in the moment with my boy all the time, pay attention to his directions and needs.
Fast forward to today looking back… I have a 33lbs+ happy son who is thriving… he put on a pound a week after we left the hospital, he hardly ever cried, I listened to sounds he would make when he was hungry and tired… he was always satisfied. But two things I have always been mindful of 1) is my energy… if I am out of balance then he is too and he reacts to my energies. 2) your intuition is your guide… everything I do is based on my intuition now. We have such an amazing bond which many comment on and he’s such a delight to be around… he lightens up my day!
So if I could give one peace of advice to you lovely mums out there… be mindful of how you are being in that moment (calm or stressed) your child will not only be following what you do… they will be reacting to your energies.
Peace and love to you all and thank you so much for reading my blog…
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