It’s been a while since I’ve actually written a blog, especially about my own personal experience but I’m massively being called out on my authenticity right now. Not that I haven’t been authentic…. those who know me well know I’m a completely open book, I have my good days and bad days… having to manage my own energy alongside having to manage and care for a special needs child is tough and I am human after all but here goes…
Wow, today has been full of high emotions and big releases… even though I’ve done copious amounts of healing of my childhood and past there will always different layers which come up at different times to be released so healing can take place, and today was one of them.
School is starting back tomorrow and mine and my son’s anxiety went through the roof today… I was massively triggered at the thought of school when I get an email saying there have been some changes and his teacher wouldn’t be there for another two weeks. Now, my boy doesn’t cope with transitions/changes very well (he’s just going through autism diagnosis process) and his silent anxiety can be masked/missed at school or his behavior will get worse and he’s seen as being naughty but actually he’s having a panic attack because he can’t cope with the sensory overload. Then when I collect him from school he explodes because he feels safe to do so with me (imagine a fizzy drink being shaken up all day and then opened at home time, yeh that’s how messy it can get) and because I am an empath I feel physically feel his meltdowns, they can actually feel like my own.
I also recognized today that a lot of my anxiety around school also comes from my childhood, I was moved to different schools quite a few times, didn’t like my teachers and was bullied to the point of nearly having my jaw broken in senior school so there is no wonder there are issues around school for me. But thankfully I’m recognizing them now for what they are because his experiences are not the same as mine and I have a choice to change that path rather than see it repeat. So, after I got Jesse to bed and I came out of my anxiety state and was able to meditate on it for a while, sent healing to it and then let it go and I feel much lighter and calm. You don’t have to be trained in healing to do this for yourself either.
In the SEN (Special Educational Needs) world it’s sometimes very easy to get caught up in the negativity while fighting for your child’s needs to be met and I can completely understand how to hard it can be for some when they see absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel. You are only allowed to focus on the negatives of your children to try and prove your child is needing extra help. The government is truly failing our children who are in mainstream schools and the school system only caters for neurotypical children where other children, especially those whose brains work completely differently to their neurotypical peers are often left behind or excluded. Recently there have been a lot of articles in the news about Autistic children being excluded because schools can’t cope with them and most of all do not understand them or have the right training.
I must admit Jesse’s first year of school was really hard, he was having what we thought at the time to be nocturnal seizures and absence seizures in the day (now looking like sleeping disorder and absences from autism). I lost my confidence in myself as a parent because he was having so many meltdowns with me but was doing seeming ok at school with all things considered… I really didn’t know how to cope as a single mum with nobody believing me either. When the word Autism came up things all started to make sense… the constant drooling, the focus on trains, the love of numbers, the sensory overloads, demand avoidance, his photographic memory and love of maps. I started to learn about Autism what it is and what it is not and l started to learn strategies on how to cope with him better and put them in place over the summer. I saw fewer meltdowns and we really connected again which was lovely… I really felt we lost something this last year, but through understanding more we are able to BE again.
It is our duty to educate ourselves and up to us what we chose to focus on at any given moment (what are you focusing on now?). So from today, I have chosen to focus on the positives!! I really do believe that change can happen if we really focus on what we do want rather than what we don’t want… and this is the reason why I was compelled to start writing my blog today to share some strategies I have been using to shift away from the negativity and focus more of what I want to happen and achieve. I believe Jesse is such a bright boy with many talents and I need to focus my energy on his positives and nurture them so he can shine as he grows.
We’ve all heard about the ‘Law Of Attraction’ but I believe it to be more about the ‘Law Of Focus’ & ‘The Law Of Love’! With both of these laws we can really tap into the higher vibration… for those new to ‘Vibration’ terms… if you put us under a microscope we are all vibrating energy beings as is everything else around us. If we are feeling sad and focussing on what’s not going right in our lives we will always get the match for that vibration and more of the same over and over again until we shift our focus to love.
When we focus on what we love and what we would love to happen then we start resonating at a much higher frequency and we start seeing more of what we love. One of the key parts to all of this though is to start believing in ourselves and loving ourselves (warts and all), giving ourselves a pat on the back for all we have achieved so far and knowing we can get over any hurdle that is thrown in our way. THIS TOO SHALL PASS is one of my mantras. We have to remember that every situation in life is an opportunity to learn and grow and it is really cathartic having the awareness (consciousness) to recognize our own pain and how to move through it.
EXERCISE: Put your left hand over your heart right now with your right one on top an close your eyes… now, imagine you are breathing your breath through your heart, feel the warmth and the connection to your heart and feel the love… sit in silence for a while and think/feel what you would love to happen (instead of what you don’t want to happen) and feel your energy shift. Whenever you notice (and this is the key, being conscious of your energy) yourself slipping back into a lower vibration do this technique again, you can do it anywhere.
Anyway, it’s getting late now and I must get to bed as we have an early school start tomorrow but I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and found some value in this article.
Lots of Love & Light
xXx Sonya xXx